New Year

I was thinking the other day about the new year and all of the new things it will bring to my life.  Then I started thinking about new years resolutions.  I don't think I've ever kept one...  I don't think that I'll be making one this year either.  I suppose that a new year is not the motivation that i need to better myself.  Wanting to be better will have to be my reason.  I will quit smoking next year... not for new years but in the beginning of January.  I am not looking forward to it but i know it must be done and i will be able to be more whole of a person after i let this part of my destructive behavior go. 

Yoga at the house last night was wonderful.  I had two men and only one woman practice.  I've never had a group top heavy on males before.  it wasn't any different tho and they both seemed to thoroughly enjoy it.

I need to get my butt back to the yoga studio but it's hard with no car...  Deanna is only so interested and Nate is rarely home in time for me to run out and make it to class. 

I have picked my classes for my last semester on my associates...  Math and Ceramics.  >.<    Now I just have to get them paid for and turn in my application for graduation and apply to my new college for my BA and do another four years part time somewhere else..................  :( !!!!!!  but at least i'm that much closer!

I looked at land online in Tennessee and it looks AMAZING...  We will have no trouble i think finding our perfect place to do our thing!

Nate and I are going DANCING...  He bought us couples dance lessons for christmas!!  (so cute)  he really did spoil me this year...  i wish i could have gotten him more but i was pretty broke after buying for everyone else for the both of us...  oh well he knows how much i spent on everyone (including his family) and he didn't seem unhappy, and i didn't scrimp on him i just couldn't do what i wanted.

I am feeling much better from last week when i was sick but it seems that everyone in my office is now catching a cold.  EWWW!  i will have to arm myself with hand sanitizer and hope i don't catch it!

Got the last of my christmas shopping done today!!! The very last thing... No more $$ on christmas... except for the ribbon i need to buy since apparently i wrap heavy on the ribbon!


Trish has slipped a disc in her neck and is waiting for the MRI to come back to see if she need surgery... poor thing!! I guess yoga will be -1 for a while... at least she didn't do it while we were practicing (3 days after our last session).

Nate has spoken to his boss and was offered a raise which i actually am displeased about. I want him to quit and finish school... 1 semester left is too close to not finish... but now he doesn't know if he can take classes... BAH!! Garbage!!! I told him to ask for a part time schedule and he said "my boss can't work without me"... well if thats the case you should already be making what he offered you for a raise and you should have some health insurance!

For goodness sake!! he works with garbage for 12 and hour with no benefits and your boss wants to move you to 16 with no benefits and he cant work without you??? BULL!! Let him take advantage of someone else. This job is impeading the forward motion of both of our lives...

I'm bitter about the whole thing if you can't tell... but as always having my bloggy boo to vent too has made a difference... I am more calm now but still very distressed about the whole thing!

busy season

Classes are almost over! No more biology and only my oral Spanish test left... these past two weeks have left me panting for breath. However the Christmas shopping is almost completely done and I have even begun my wrapping!!


The tree went up on Friday night and so did the lights on the outside of the house. Our Jewish friend Aley helped us pick the tree and decorate. It was his first Christmas decorating experience and he was practically wagging his tail with the fun of it!

I have been slacking and not doing as much yoga as I want to be doing! It's hard to get to class with out a car and I tried to figure out the bus but by the time I got there I would have missed the first 20 min. Tonight it's off to the studio for Vinyasa though, then tomorrow with Trish and Deanna at home.

I wonder what I can find that's quick and cheap to have for dinner tonight since I'm not sure if we should eat before we go since it's a 7:30 class...

Nate finally spoke with his mom and will be enrolling in his last two classes for next semester!! YAY


I went online today and found out that I still owe money on this semester (b/c I took a lab which is an extra course hour and more expensive) so before I can register for next semester I have to get that paid... blech!! I hate how expensive school is and I don't even go to an expensive school right now!

I was thinking that Nate should ask his dad to let him do work on the apartments part time while he's taking classes, it would give him a chance to learn a little about the rental process which will come in handy when we move.

Sigh, so much to do so little time!

confusion

yoga last night at home was nice! I upped our practice to include some of the newer poses that i'm learning during the studio classes i attend. I had someone new come last night who has not ever practiced with me before!







I have decided what Nate is getting for christmas!! I'm going to buy his airfare to the big year kickoff tournament in AZ!! He better like it! It may be the only thing i can get him since it's gonna be about 370 when all is said and done! But i know he will use it and i know he will not be expecting it!






I have also begun to look for RV's since i really want Nate to be able to not have to pay for a place to sleep the whole time he's gone! Looks like I may have found one for only 1500.00... I will have to wait and see if they contact me back about it... But i'm wondering right now if maybe that could be another christmas present... (since i can finance it) or perhaps a graduation present... hmmm... i will have to see what sort of money i can save up for this!

busy busy busy

Work work work... tonight will be studying for spanish final... tomorrow will be written spanish final... wed will be yoga @ my house @ 5:30 then my formal lab write up and finishing up lab 9 for hand in. thursday will be Biology test and lab hand-ins. friday perhaps i can relax... except for the my oral final next tuesday for spanish... then classes are done mid december! whew!







we did yoga at my house on saturday morning. this is always real nice but i do not feel as if i get the same benefit from leading the class that i do from attending. I guess this makes sense since when you are leading you mostly do 1/2 of what your students do so you can correct posture and be sure everyone is comfortable in their asana.






I have started my online christmas shopping and hope to be compleate by the time finals wrap up... we will see how close to that goal I get! I have set my sights on my oldest and worst for me habit... *SMOKING* gross I know but it is an addiction. I will be quitting mid january. It's time. If i want to make yoga my profession it's time... if i want to have kids it's time... if i want to save money it's time...






it's just time. however i will not start until after the holidays since i've done this before and failed!

giving thanks

Thanksgiving... what am I thankful for... my partner and best friend Nate... the love and support of my family and friends... my home... my lack of serious medical issues... my pets... my job... a nation free from war on our home soil... for the truth and love i have been able to begin showing myself...







i am thankful for this and more that escapes me at the moment.






Last week we did heart openers in vinyasa class... i wonder what she has in store for us tonight... i also wonder if I might be the only person in the class because of the holiday.






Deanna has hurt herself and Nate refuses to pay for what I can show him at home... (he's much like his father this way but I would never say that out loud).






I have joined an online yoga community called unitedyogis.com and am being spotlighted some time in the next couple of days... perhaps after the holiday!






I am scattered today, my desk is a mess and my thoughts are all over the place... Yoga will help center me for the hecticness of tomorrow... I need an internal calm spot right now...

Satya - Yama 2

Satya - Truth It seems obvious what this second yama is asking of me. But once I contemplate a bit further I remember that this will include the lies I tell myself (eating just a little chocolate before bed won't give me heartburn)... and must be tied in with Ahimsa... So now I must be truthful while still being non violent in thought action or deed. This seems like a rather hard line to walk but by excluding negative thoughts by practicing ahimsa my truthful thoughts will turn non harmful. When I lie to myself I warp my reality and it causes disharmony in my life. Even when I recognize my truth I sometimes do not listen to myself. Then I am frustrated or upset with myself and my situation and it does no good to know that I caused it for myself. I will begin by trying to recognize the lies for what they are when I tell them to myself. Perhaps I will still follow the path of that lie but to know first will be the first step.








So I carted myself out to gentle stretch class on Saturday. It was really nice to spend some time breathing and meditating which I miss from the Vinyasa program I've been attending. I ignored my bioethical essay this weekend in favor of cleaning a bit in my eternally messy house but tonight I will have to buckle down. Luckily it is an essay not a research paper and I just have to email it to my professor by midnight. I told my mom last night that Nate was going to quit his job to go to classes next semester. I expected some resistance which I got but in the end they agreed that it was a good move!! Even Dave who got Nate the job was agreeable!






Thanksgiving is this week. Hard to believe that the year is coming to an end. It's so nice to see the family when everyone is on their best behavior.

Moving Forward

Yoga last night, not so sore today! Nice focus on opening of the heart and contemplating what we are thankful for. Learned grasshopper pose as well!! Even more of a milestone for me was getting back up into crow after face planting out of it maybe 8mos ago and giving myself a hugemongous bruise on my chin and the side of my face. It looked just terrible and raised quite a few eyebrows.







Bio tonight, busy busy busy! Spoke with Nate seriously about finding a job closer to home. If he gets a job even making the same amount but doesn't have to drive and put so much money into the gas tank it would be like a raise!! I hope he gets moving we've got a tight schedule and even a little procrastination right now could set us back 6mos to a year!! I have decided how true the old saying "behind every great man is a strong woman" I think I'm just going to have to push forward and drag the boy along... not that he doesn't want to come with me but he doesn't have the motivation to get moving on it!






I have not yet shared my blog address with any of my friends or family... this is too personal to share with them still... funny how it can be personal for the people I know but how I am willing to share with strangers, and hopeful that they will want to read and share my experience. I wonder why this is? Perhaps it's because the me I write about online is my ideal self, and these people who I know well already know me and most have not heard these things from me. I am a guarded person who feels comfortable behind the anonymity of the online profile...

Class Two

Today is the second "real" yoga class! Deanna and I will be attending, Robin is unable as her part time job needs her tonight. I am a bit aprehensive about my decision to spend three nights a week out of the house I am afraid that my studies may begin to slip... but if I can't fit yoga in then i'm off track... so onward and forward I move. Trish and I have decided to go ahead and reincarnate our failing home sessions... It will just be her and myself on Sat mornings in my dining room but it will be something! Classes will be over in 4 weeks so I am confident that I can push through it. I got up late today (out of bed at 7:08am) but that happens sometimes when I am in class till 10pm. At least I wasn't late for work!







I had to restart my Ahimsa awareness/restraint several times in Spanish class last night. There is a girl in there who was put on this earth to teach me patience... she was in Spanish 1 with me last semester and here she is again in Spanish 2 this semester... I apparently did not learn my lesson of patience last semester. I simpely do not like the type of person she is... she interupts the teacher during lecture to ask for the test to be returned from last class... she has a wonderful grasp of the spanish language that I am quite frankly jelouse of but when we do Q&A out loud with the professor she answers the questions before the teacher is finished asking them... No one else ever gets a chance to answer, or even figure out the answer for themselves. So now my problem becomes how to stop thinking badly about her doing these things which I consider rude. Can I just appriciate her for being her and not worrying about others? Isn't that selfish and should I appriciate her for being selfish, and not allowing others to learn? Perhaps she thinks she's helping us by spitting out the answers immediately? Enough!! I will meditate on it either tonight or on saturday and see what comes to me! Perhaps it is just the acceptance that this sort of person exists and there is nothing to be done about it. I will see.

Yama 1

Ahimsa - Non Violence... this includes not only physical violence, but violence against others and yourself in word and thought as well, this is a slightly different way to view violence but used here it is more of an all encompassing term. This is hard for me as I tend to be a closet mean girl. I would never say something mean to someone's face to intentionally hurt them. But I hardly give thought to the negative energy that I am letting into my world with a negative thought or quiet word. Since being introduced to this first important Yama I have learned to still my words somewhat. The physical aspect was never hard for me so I lucked out there but, I still struggle with the negativity of my thoughts. I have decided my Ahimsa practice will begin today by not speaking harsh words to anyone for any reason. I will try to quiet my mind as much as possible and if I fail I can acknowledge it and start fresh. Tonight at school will probably be the hardest as Anne and I tend to slip into the mean girl roles quite quickly. This must be the "clique" effect. It's so reassuring to be with someone you know that it's just easier to exclude those you don't. This is especially true with girls. We are mean... mean to eachother and mean to ourselves. How can I break a life time of habit... it's all about realizing it's happening. Without the ability to realize I start becoming nasty, how can I ever hope to correct it.







So... Spanish class tonight. Last class we had a test and the professor began going over the next chapter. Chapter 10 started out like every other chapter but when we flipped to the last page for the too long list of vocabulary for memorization I realized... This is the last chapter in our book. I don't think i've ever gone through an ENTIRE textbook from chapt 1 to the end!! I had a fleeting moment of pride. I can hardly wait for this semester to be over. I want to begin writing again. It is very difficult to find time to write my book with class and yoga but someday I will get there.






Biology is coming along nicely! We are really in the thick of it right now with formal labs and a bioethical essay.

The direction i'm headed

Over the weekend I was able to fit in some real time to contemplate my position in life. With some meditation I have come to the conclusion that I am happy with my reality and with the direction I am heading. Are there things that I wish were different? Of course!! But the lack of these circumstances does not define me or my reality. We had a busy weekend with our friends play on friday, a dresser purchase and midnight bowling on saturday, and a wedding on sunday. I was not feeling well so Nate brought me home early which was sweet of him. I was sad we didn't get to dance together so we danced in the bedroom to frank sinatra...







I am trying to work my way up to two yoga classes a week but am just now over being sore from last wednesday and do not beleive that I am ready for such a vigoruous schedule yet! Nate and I need to talk to our parents soon about what our plans are... they will need some time to adjust to the idea of us moving. I think our plan to return with the kids (when we have them) will help some but we will see. It will be very sad to leave the family and my friends behind but I know it's not for good!

The Plan

Today the soreness has decreased to just slight lingering twinge when I move, like a ghost of the previous soreness.  Last night was my Bio test, I'm pretty sure I dominated it!  I am considering visiting for a yoga class tomorrow morning I will make that final decision when I wake up.  I have decided it's time to lay out my preliminary plan for the next couple of years.  I guess suddenly I'm a planner, (don't tell my mom) I just have this need for everything to be flowing towards a final goal.

My Final Goal:  A happy healthy life and family.

May 2012    Graduate with my AS

Dec 2012      Nate Graduates with Electricians Cert

Jan 2013      Nate goes on tour - 1 year

Jan 2013      Begin course work for my BS

Jan 2014      Nate home from tour

May 2014     Graduate with my BS

June 2014   Begin looking for Land - down south

June 2014   Begin my teacher certification 200hr

Sept 2014     Move south

Our ultimate goals with this move are to open a disc golf course (Nate) and a yoga studio (me).  We will rent our house in PA while we are setting up shop.  Once we have kids and they are school age we will move back to PA and let them go through the wissahickon school district.  This will make the boy very happy....  and me?  I am so sick of working for someone else's money that I can't wait to get this started!!!

So I start slow.  Classes...  scholastic and yoga...  understanding when the boy must go golfing...  some work on my house...  it's hard now but its for a good thing, for something I want.

I must also start re-exploring the yamas and niyamas.  Ahimsa - Non Violence...  it seems that every time I look at this first yama there is something else there I had not realized before, staring me in the face like "how obvious can I be".

Sometime in the next few days I will post some Ahimsa reflection.

Beginings

Last night my friend and a co-worker and I took the 15 min drive to the yoga studio.  I found that unlike most times when I go to new places I was not anxious about new people and new surroundings.  This is more thank likely because I had two people with me...  I may not be so confident when I'm going to the other studio by myself for the first time.

The practice was a basics of vinyasa class and it was hard!!  I am sore.  We had a very cute little youngish blond instructor.  The only thing I would have changed would be to add a meditation to the front end of the class and another 5-10min of savasina at the end.  

It took me almost half of the class to get my breathing flowing correctly with my movements and I think this is because i'm so used to a 5-10 min breathing meditaton before I begin my asana practice.

Perhaps I should download breathing meditations onto my cell phone and do them in the car before going into class I will look into that today.

I have a Bio Lab due tonight on genetics and there is a test.  Good thing I'm interested in what I'm learning or I would be in big trouble.  My bosses have agreed to let me work through lunch today and leave at 4 so I can squeeze in some extra study time before class (I am slightly less prepared than I prefer to be).

Today is my start.  Today is the day I metaphorically got off my butt and decided to get a move on.  I started by rounding up the pre-paid yoga class coupons I've acquired from various groupon/living social type sites and calling/emailing for class slots! 

Tomorrow D and I have our first true yoga class together.  I'm excited but nervous.  I am used to class room yoga complete with the 8 Limb Path discussions but I think this will be very different.  I have a combined 15 pre-paid classes from two different places.  One of these is a true yoga studio and the other is a sports gym that offers yoga classes.  It will be very interesting.  I looked yesterday at the retreat schedule for next year and I really hope that  I am able to do a weekend at some point during the next six months. 

I can't even begin to express my actual level of anxiety about going to the sports gym place by myself for the first time.  D only has the 5 class voucher for the actual yoga studio.  I will just have to deal with it!  At least yoga people are friendly.