happy-ness

So i'm working through this thing right now where i dont want to go anywhere and i don't wanna see anyone and i don't want anyone at my house and i'm really angry all the time...  whew...  its been 6 days...  I have never had a mood that i couldn't shake like this one.

i am not feeling like myself and it's not good...  I have been neglecting my practice which i am assuming is connected but my only weeknights off are thurs fri and i'm having trouble finding a class that meets when i can get there.  i don't like feeling trapped at my house when Nate is gone...  why can't i have a car??!!  dragging myself to work is slowly killing me i can barely put on the front anymore and everyone from nate to my bosses are asking "what's wrong". 

so what's wrong???  maybe i'm depressed...  maybe my monthly is super nasty this time...  maybe i have seasonal affective disorder... 

Nancy told me today to stop being a victim...  but let me be clear here!  I AM NOT FEELING SORRY FOR MYSELF!!  I am feeling sad and like i want to be left alone but it's more of a selfish thing than a self pity thing.

school is compleatly unchallenging and close to boring this semseter... 

Nate asked me what needed to change and i couldn't answer him...  UMMM...  I need everyone in my life to stop taking advantage of me!!!  I need to be able to go out and do things that i wanna do!!!  I need to see that there is some forward motion to my life!!!  these are all very vague and i'm having alot of trouble narrowing them down to workable issues...  I'm having even more trouble caring enough to spend the time doing it.